Loneliness: Enlighten yourself 

As Osho stated, one wouldn't try to push darkness out of a dark room so as to bring in light. That is impossible because darkness doesn't really exist. Rather, it's simply the absence of light. So the answer is to turn on the light..

 Rudranjali 01,    Views:3250   Comments:15

 

Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. 
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, 
and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.

Francis Bacon

WE ALL find ourselves alone in the world and believe that we are so. I know we've all felt terribly lonely, at some point, in our lives when, amidst a room full of people, we felt as if we were total strangers. I think it happens to everybody, even those with a busy social life and a lot of friends. We feel lonely within and, at the same time, we are socially related and surrounded by others, whether we like it or not. There are times when we isolate ourselves from the crowd to experience a sense of separation from others and this sense of being separated shapes and enhances our personality and our identity. This loneliness can also be termed 'good or positive loneliness' and poets describe it as 'solitude'. Philosophers term it aloneness. Solitude or aloneness is a point where a person is alone by choice. We can develop a multitude of talents if we are given space and time to develop them. A lot of good paintings, writing, art, and poetry were born out of solitude.

I read these words somewhere and liked them and now I share them with you:

"Loneliness is when you think of others, miss them; it is a negative state. Aloneness is the presence of oneself, it is very positive, you can fill the universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody."

We are sometimes not sure how to describe loneliness, to characterise what exactly it is. Well, we don’t have the exact words. We work our way around the thought, then hesitate and stumble, but fail to get to its heart. I sometimes think that loneliness has to do with having intimate relations with other people, but that’s not all. It has much to do with our inability to relate or connect with others, or, perhaps, to put it better, our irresistible ability as human beings to imagine our existence as individuals.

You and I are trying hard to understand this concept of loneliness. I mean we are trying to think in ways that bring us closer to understanding the truth, the basics of it… maybe we are trying to be philosophical. As lovers of truth and to achieve higher levels of sensitivity, we want to be close to it and understand the concept.

When we get married, we sign on for a life of sharing the room, bedsheets, bathroom space, cold germs, families, emotions, moods. As per the marriage vow: “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." Couples sometimes may not realise that "for better or worse" may mean that they will share their emotional states as well. You still love each other, but other priorities take up more and more of your time. You may end up seeing each other at home only between other responsibilities.

You share your house, your expenses, your children, but you aren't sharing your love, your goals, your dreams and your life. Rather than husband and wife, you feel like room-mates. Monotony creeps into the lives, and this monotony causes almost everything - even tenderness, sexuality, and intimate conversation - to become routine. Quite often both partners react to such a situation with desperation, depression and resignation. There’s nothing to say to the other person; regardless of how badly one wants a point of contact; he seems to encounter nothing but inner desolation and emptiness.

This emptiness, isolation from each other and the feeling of loneliness when you're married is harmful; it can damage your marriage; this feeling of vague dissatisfaction can be the end of your union. Because most of us do not expect to feel lonely after marriage. The idea that an individual can become lonely in a committed partnership is often too painful to deal with. There is no guarantee against loneliness. It is a myth that marriage will end your loneliness, because the feelings of loneliness exist after marriage too. I think the quality of marriage, or, in other words, what the marriage provides is an important factor in determining the levels of loneliness. Having a pessimistic approach and saying that 'I deserve a better marriage than this', or, 'I deserve someone who can meet my needs', will never bring you any healing.

What do you say?

Do you know what the first thing to overcome loneliness is?

Be at ease and be satisfied with your own self. The feeling of loneliness need not, necessarily, stem from being alone or having nobody with us...it’s caused by dissatisfaction with the people in your life. And it includes dissatisfaction with yourself.

As Osho stated, one wouldn't try to push darkness out of a dark room so as to bring in light. That is impossible because darkness doesn't really exist. Rather, it's simply the absence of light. So, the answer is to turn on the light in that room to make darkness disappear.

Loneliness is simply darkness that has enveloped us and this can't be dealt with directly because it doesn't really exist; it's simply the absence of light at that time in our life.

You will be able to overcome your negative feelings only when you learn to create a conducive atmosphere yourself.

Your need to be special, to be loved, could only be met at a spiritual level, from deep within yourself, from the divinity within. You will enjoy others’ company when you enjoy your own first.

You have to be confident about who you are and how you feel. I am sure there are a lot of people who are your friends and want to be with you as friends. Do not wait for other people to visit you or approach you. You take the first step and start thinking them as your friends. You open your heart to let people in because nobody likes to knock on closed doors.

You are very special and there are so many people who want to be with you. Just realise that, and life will be so good. Sit with your self and see what you have to offer. I am sure you will be surprised to see how much you can do....

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself: Mark Twain