Marriage is not just about sex 
One excuse often given for cheating, is unhappiness or dissatisfaction in marriage. Very often it is a lame excuse saying that one is not sexually satisfied. If that were true, more than half the couples would need to resort to a fling.
CJ: Rudranjali 01,  3 Feb 2009   Views:5055   Comments:33

MARRIAGE IS not all about sexual gratification. It’s not about washing your dirty linen of suppressed thoughts in public. Or a social acceptance certificate of your completeness as a man and woman. It’s neither bed of roses all through, nor curse of Shiva`s trinetra.

It has to be worked upon. Generally, couples indulge in excusing and convincing themselves for their misadventure, which eventually results in strained relations and sometime temporary or permanent break up.

Actually, fidelity is not a matter of choice. There is nothing to choose about fidelity because it is like the act of breathing, eating or sleeping. So where is the question of being unfaithful?

However, this is not what is happening in the real world. One excuse often given for cheating is unhappiness or dissatisfaction in marriage. Very often, it is a lame excuse ‘I don’t get pleasure in bed’. If that were true, more than half the couples would need to resort to a fling outside marriage. Statistics have proven that most couples have a dissatisfied sex life.

Sexual infidelity can either be a one-night stand or a short-term relationship. Very often, it also takes the form of setting up the `other’ house/a parallel ongoing relationship. The euphemism is `second marriage’. You could call it by any name, but the truth is that it is about looking beyond a marriage – being unfaithful.

If sexual satisfaction was a benchmark for a successful marriage, the entire system of marriage would be in jeopardy. Marriage is not just about sex. It is about commitment, mutual respect and trust culminating in love.

Also, fidelity is not just about sex. It is also about the respect you give to your partner, thoughts that you have of the partner and the unconditional support that you extend to him or her throughout your life. To sustain this, there has to be total transparency and complete honesty in your relationship with your partner. At the same time, fidelity is also about valuing the need for space in a relationship and allowing for that space for your relationship to nurture.

The time spent in attracting an outside person or factor into your marriage, if invested in making your relationship secure, would help you win the fidelity quotient in your marriage.

A good marriage doesn’t happen automatically. It is worked upon, based on exclusivity and reciprocity. The husband-wife team are insulated and bonded in love that is reciprocated by each other exclusively.

Unfulfilled expectations, disappointments with the partner, frustrations within a marriage – all these precipitate the need to stray. Everyday mundane realities of marriage can be sedentary and bog you down in routine existence.

The question is – are you willing to use this rutty existence as an excuse to cheat your spouse? Marriage is not a piece of paper. This represents a bundle of rights, responsibilities, privileges and immunities that these two parties, have with each other.

There are two keys for happy marriage, one is love and another is a sensible soul. You have to fulfill both for a successful marriage. Marriages based on fantasy and fancy are doomed. You must be willing to put time, effort and thought into nurturing your marriage.

It is beautiful to trust and to live full of trust. Trust or mistrust is also a theme in ’spiritual circles’ and we talk about trusting ourselves, our partner, the society and the world around us. What is trust? I feel it is the highest kind of love. It is the purest form of love.

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 16, 2009 at 12:37 PM and is filed under , , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


"Marriage is not just about sex".

Tell me about it :)

May 20, 2009 at 8:29 PM

Yes, You are right about that statement. I have written a few articles on relationships too, especially about cheating in relationships. Please have a look.

May 20, 2009 at 8:37 PM

Thanks eric for your comment.

May 21, 2009 at 11:09 AM

You are right about trust. Trust means trusting in every area of your relationship. You have to trust each other's words, and intentions, knowing that you are truly there for each other, encouraging each other to grow, not just saying what the other may want to hear.

June 9, 2009 at 9:00 AM

It may not be correct from a religious perspective, but I myself believe that before you commit to marrying someone you should give it a trial run first. You need to know upfront if you will be truly compatible with this person for long-term.

Relationships get stale after awhile, and you really have to work at it sometimes to keep things fresh.Just like dating, you want to keep this persons attention. Sometimes we forget and get a little lax in the romance department once we have a relationship with someone. The number one reason marriages fail due to a cheating spouse, is because they say the other person changed. They don't give them the attention they used to, they never go out anymore, all of these things are a signal that things are growing cold and if you don't do something soon you may lose it.

July 17, 2009 at 4:43 PM

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